dancing in the faerie ring

alright , beta post editor really like to just not work sometimes , and right now seem to be one of those times . back to original for moment , at least have that choice :D

well , major overhaul to analogue faerie games list ! work on this basically all day . also have one for digital games in works , but that one is slightly less approachable with wide variety in platforms , easily 3 or 4 for some games . another great page would be for supplements and tables ...

yeah , maybe some of this is out of hand , but not like ever expect to get perfect lists . do rely on community copies for so many of these things , so least kossai can do is hype up and make easy to search for others to try and buy . itch collections can be too ephemeral , since hidden or deleted games will leave no trace , and also easy to lose games inside - absolute pain to shuffle order around . website control is also just more fun .

and now time to go faceplant because of time and energy sink >.>

honestly there is something that really feel like miss in life , and that is ability to treat mundanities like magics . titanium court give good examples of what mean . fae look at various street signs and attach meaning of magical runes , such that no parking signs outlaw letter P and stop signs compel onlookers to stop all actions . " magic word " can be any phrase at all , so long as recognisable - movie quotes , computer dialogue , and so on . books that refer to bucket list items which " must " be done will be seen as literal curse that bear down on human life , rather than as recommendations and reviews .

as well , fae refer to things in ways humans would not expect , or actively fight against ... there is egg that everyone else will insist is american football , like football is just any object with specific end-zone destination , even though certain prophecy will prove this to be egg . golf in particular is almost abstract concept , simply any game which take precision .

can make sense of these trains of thought , but also feel weird sort of envy that these thoughts no longer come first . have to know these things as humans intend , if not for literal navigation of world then at least social . that frustrate ! that really frustrate . do not get to simply un-know these things , and would be worse off if could .

sometimes would be fun just to feign , at least - point out how silly some of this iconography is , how things do not really make sense if step back . but as much as want to embrace such " weird appearances " and act like little glamourbomb , lack of speech in this world is such that people can instantly devalue any words and expressions . can not joke , can not wonder , can not do much of anything - all is ripe opportunity for someone to talk down and explain in slow ... simple ... words . necessary for some people , but this is only " strategy " that people know , to total exclusion of individual needs and personhoods !

of course this kind of thing could be game : look for magical and unexpected meanings in things that everyone take for granted , that long ago learn one-and-only answer to , but would not even be sure what to do with that . do not like situations where faeriehood is " game " that need to " end " - would be as preposterous as suggest same of humanity to orthohumans - but can not just stay without outlet either . ugh . 

crosspost from tumblr . 
shout out to age old question : is this executive dysfunction , or is this just what happen when lots of different people have to share one outer life ? :P

but real talk , sometimes this frustrate to no end because so many projects get little bits of progress each , and then someone will run off and start another . only way to guarantee finish is if personally come back around , even if technically collective project . not out of malice , just not always very good with reality of situation .

most of this stuff for kossai is digital , so at least no physical space or material concerns , but that can also kind of lead to no one realise just how much is already up in progress and sorely need attention . like , actually pretty good with physical projects like this , because physical projects will be physical nuisance - half-done shawl can not hang up in closet to wear , and yarns will be left out for ease of access , so need to finish that .

digital projects hide away all sneaky among folders and links . can change folder colours and add little symbols to introduce some nuisance , but even that require stumble first . maybe need to do something extra with symlinks , because even actual to-do list program give trouble .

sometimes people see how kossai use words , and assume this is easy because of remove specific pieces . wish that was true , wish this was easy . wish did not feel like need to say some parts in " fancier " ways just for people to take seriously . have to go out of way to choose those fancier words , when even plainest ones still hurt over time .

and then people expect to put up with comments about this - easy to read and hard to read both frustrate actually ! not some kind of fun little choice - if really ask will say adaptive idiolect , specific non-standard dialect that form as adaptation to struggles . that feel like if someone compliment kossai because of " calm slow walk " - like do not care about how much this put at struggle in world , just that get to feel some kind of personal convenience .

can work on short comic for hours of day , and no one really understand how much work and energy that really take , how this work hurt and exhaust . but sometimes need to share things - not even out of personal pride or wish to teach general public , but just necessity to communicate with someone unfamiliar . at least once specific topic comic is done , might never need to make that one again . humans need to develop telepathy yesterday , chop fucking chop . 

crosspost from tumblr .

sometimes others who mean well say things like , " traumagenic and endogenic experiences not so different after all " - and sometimes that is true . even with proof that trauma did not influence formation , some collectives do express in ways that can appear very similar , and may or may not have symptoms to associate with dissociative disorder . 

but this attempt to appeal also ignore everyone who fall outside of psychological boxes , and that frustrate . some will haphazardly suggest that psychological frameworks can apply to everyone , even those who already choose to exempt - as if that choice do not almost always come from experience . 

no doubt there might be individuals of such collectives who personally benefit from , say , IFS therapy - but even this suggestion is made on whole basis , to understand collective through IFS . individuality - individual memory , individual desire , individual life - is not seen as something to really take seriously : need to give reason , give purpose , give role .

various therapies for trauma could potentially be helpful to anyone with trauma , which still often include collectives not formed through trauma influence , given state of modern world and societies . but have to take into account that even if respectfully do not pathologise plurality , some therapists know jack all about how to actually help , especially with any marginalisations in play - and bad therapy can harm worse than none at all . 

approaches which diminish or discard roles of spirituality and religion can lead to massive collective hurt and denial . not every experience will make sense under psychological frameworks , and that give choice of how to handle - accept or deny ? even where psychological frameworks may still technically be viable , this is still form of denial , and denial still set back progress to find harmony . 

openness to explore different approaches and frameworks is good thing , and think communities should encourage this - wrong answer is never end of journey , and life will continue on even if need to step back and rearrange puzzle pieces . but this is never what actually end up happen - instead suggest this one set of frameworks and approaches as " ideal " for everyone to learn from . spirituality is seen as secondary fringe , and anything else is often unseen at all . 

there is certain responsibility that need to take when make suggestions of spirituality . not all collectives who explore spiritual frameworks have experiences which line up , so might end up with some hurtful setbacks , or trigger other internal reactions like psychosis . even to genuinely seek out these experiences can be detrimental , especially without spiritual and metaphysical safety precautions . this is why kossai might talk about experiences , but not instructions on how to open gates or find bonds - need to learn more than just instructions to maintain safety . 

but those who suggest psychological frameworks as answer tend to not take this same responsibility . psychology is default approach , and everyone come with brain , so feel as if can just say obviously helpful to everyone , with no such thing as detriments or safety concerns . anyone who reject just " did not try hard enough " and need to accept place in life anyways , as if that could do anything but turn further away out of spite and frustration . 

( seriously ! even if some approach that never try before might turn out useful , who would want to actually try when deliver like this ? there can still be unique expressions and considerations to take into account : consider that even spiritual collectives' trauma-influenced members may not form or arrive like psychological ones do . )

there is no universal public to give universal information here , even if at times ( like this post ) might need to simplify for sake of broad-strokes communication . experiences of plurality do not and can not all fall into one set of frameworks and approaches , one set of individuality and elaboration , one set of mechanics , one set of anything . only thing which bind together is that plural approach of selfhood and identity - more than one , one of many , sometimes one and sometimes more , any experiences that fall outside realm of singular oneness - is helpful .

and so discover new random goal to probably never do anything with : learn enough of some engine or such to make match 3 game - simplest , barest bones execution of idea , just for match 3's sake . otherwise might never put down titanium court .

massive spoilers for titanium court : late themes , story .

kind of touch on this with minecraft not too long ago , but think so many games that want to be cosy , and especially conscious about environment , just end up encourage excess and abuse instead . can not expect to account for every loophole and make every path of abuse impossible , and do not think really need to , but need to still make slow , conscious alternatives reward just as much if not more . 

instead , well , take stardew valley for example . people learn there was no in-game downside to this heavy optimisation , so take advantage as much as possible . then , these players end up with mass excess of money and nothing left to use for , so concernedape add in further expensive endgame goals , and sometimes even shortcuts to those goals as with perfection waivers . this give optimised players something else to do , and also tell new players that this optimisation is necessary and expected gameplay loop . nothing really encourage player to spend time on build up goals slowly , and numbers would often feel unachievable unless there was massive bonus to conscious paths . 

and that is definitely not just stardew valley , just one of more familiar ones to comment on as first start game in version 1.3 . from very start there is not enough incentive to not grind and optimise - no bonuses for slow pace or conscious actions , no paths that change , nothing . then , when players who reach these heights feel there is nothing left to do , developers compensate those players , and further enforce that optimisation is only sensible way to play . infinite ore dimensions . animals rarely if ever face any real ills . enemies just mindless loot bins , maybe with exception of singular NPC . cut down entire forests with no consequence , will regrow next season . waters will never run out of fish . not only can players who wreak environmental and social destruction never find any consequence , but those who make efforts to be conscious get no bonuses for this . 

still even grumble over fae farm , which try to " solve " enemy problem with idea that jumble is abandoned object brought to life by anger ... but since animism is effectively proven in universe , then that just leave question why culture is not full of reverence and care for all objects . that way , even broken down objects that can no longer serve purpose , or even find reuse , hopefully will not feel full of spite . no , instead just throw away without regard for any ecological cost of materials , pile up like common trash to be animated by cruelty - where player then must also further degrade and kill .

really , really so fucking badly wish could make something which actively go against grain here - especially would love to make people think more about animism and conscious treatment of objects . 

when discuss this opinion in past kossai never really give full justice , in part because assume on same page when not actually . some argue that because stories that relate to forms of plurality exist across many cultures , that alone is proof that plurality should not be seen as potential alterhuman experience . but while this wide prevalence is true , not all equally positive , and also not all necessarily relate to expectations of general human species , or orthohuman identity as such . 

is spirit work technically human ? what about divine possession ? could easily say yes if decide to rewrite as entirely psychological phenomenon , but not respectful of experiences . otherwise , where is line as to what make experience into human one ? maybe ancestor spirit work and divine possession fall under different lines - one is human albeit deceased and one is divine , thus human and nonhuman respectively . maybe both count as human experience , simply because humans can undergo . maybe neither , where existence as post-human spirit and non-human divinity both differ enough to be separate from live humanity . or maybe neither of these relevant at all , where instead not everyone is capable , and mere ability to do this kind of work is sign that one is something other than human - positive , but not quite human .

and again in cases where this is not seen positively , where this is seen as something malicious to drive out or other sign of wrongness ... then that viewpoint alone , even when non-spiritual , might be enough for one to consider alterhuman experience - different from expectations of orthohumanity . plurality is not something that everyone must identify as alterhuman , but there is obvious room to understand as such for oneselves . think really do disservice when try to shut down and say that plurality is definitively human , never nonhuman experience - there is room for both . plurality can be both .