minecraft dilemma

have this thing with minecraft which is ... weird maybe .

love to watch others play ... in theory still love play also . but when try actually play in worlds alone ... no idea , no motivation . nothing take interest for very long unless have other people around , but do not trust people in public servers , and always fall behind in closed group ones because honestly not very good at minecraft , so become more and more alone .

so minecraft mostly take role as … this thing for projects , not in game projects , just … projects . translate to home language , for one . put together resource packs … collect sounds and textures . but not so much actually play .

wish could find what love about minecraft again … when first find , was happy spend hours everyday ! now feel lost . maybe too much in minecraft these days , easy get lost in choices and possibilities …

this is why always admire people with very long run singleplayer worlds , like etho . just can not do that ...

think these days , some part in what find fun is just mess with people and be faerie about things , even if not explicit say so . but still need good trust in people for that , and , only fun until everyone get angry how kossai can not keep up and do fun fights or what not .

without other people … what is there ? roleplay inside head ? not very good at that anymore , get too bored when nothing can react .
try build creatively , too … but just get lost . can not choose what how and where , or ideas too big , or just do not like and give up .

wish could wave wand to fix … spend years with these problems now .