dhajan ~ struggles

crosspost from tumblr @ thaliendir .

dhajan's main character struggle is , definitely need to learn how to prioritise self .

baomi was never intentionally neglectful of dhajan - and would forever regret , wish to do things differently , if only there was chance to do all over - but dhajan see where baomi struggle and try so very hard to help . in small ways , would come to rely on dhajan - little errands that baomi just did not have time or energy to go out and do , but could not leave either .

truth is , baomi is guilty of this as well , put forward energy and time for others when run on fumes for self , struggle to ask for help . with grief over husband but also two kids to raise , baomi just did not have means to really recover and find peace , and pass down bad habits to dhajan .

dhajan feel need to serve others and to have approval , and swallow back true feelings and desires to make that happen . fantasy dhajan is truly proud in self , feel no need to hide breasts , honestly even sexually active - real dhajan consider these to be impossible , weep for dreams and try to push away .

but ... experiences of death change people . to face down possibility that one will never live life of dreams , that friends and family will remember not truest self , but this image of misery ... absolutely fucking harrowing .
maybe that will be what awaken dhajan .

disability ~ where positivity can fail

crosspost from tumblr @ courtkossai .

tired of disability positivity posts that say - not stupid , not crazy , not lazy , whatever .
what if , though ? what if stupid , what if crazy , and likewise ?

some people wear these as badges of honour - that manage to survive this way , in world which work against atypical brains and bodies .
but in general , why should these things be bad things to be ? all this do is - ironically , given this is usually in direct opposite to written message - glorify ability to still be smart , to still be sane , to still be functional . to cede that yes , stupidity is bad , insanity is bad - disability simply place above these frameworks .

in extension of this , feel like so many people use this as justification to still hate on people who exhibit traits which associate with stupidity or insanity . can not stand slow talkers , can not stand people who need to ask clarification , snap at ultimately inconsequential actions that more often than not come from variations and struggles in brain and body .

there is no way to know history and diagnoses of stranger , after all - there is no name to justify these traits .
but there should not need to be . should be willing to accept traits and variations , entirely regardless of names and justifications , entirely regardless of perception as stupid or crazy or anything else .

dibella ~ fluidity of form

crosspost from tumblr @ thaliendir .

divines generally do not appear to people physically , but still have some place in visions , dreams , and whatnot , right ?
so , thought : as goddess of beauty , dibella never settle on just one appearance . form shift and sway , subtly gradate from one to another , or even change drastically with each glance . redguard , khajiit , breton . missing limb , missing eye , missing nothing at all . short and stout , tall and thin . perisex or intersex , cis or trans , anything and everything .

almost hard for people to properly look , and never quite clearly remember whole form - only bits and pieces . those who then artistically depict dibella tend to fill in those blanks , whether by personal preference or cultural standards .
if divines hypothetically did appear physically ... perhaps dibella would still choose not to , to hold onto this fluidity .

woes of music organisation

neglect lyrical library for very long time , just haphazardly throw everything in and never properly tag . want to rectify this ! but wow , some fun dilemmas - remixes , vocal synth covers , mashups , things of that nature .

so far handle vocal synth covers as such :
title of original release : mary on a cross
artist tag of original release : ghost
title of cover : mary on a cross - ricecristpy ft. hatsune miku
artist tag of cover : ricecristpy, ghost

title of original release : little boy in the grass
artist tag of original release : aurora
title of cover : little boy in the grass - tefii chan ft. avanna
artist tag of cover : tefii chan, aurora

on vocal synth originals , intend to keep this same ft. synth subtitle structure .

folders still messy , right now keep covers inside original album folders ( easier to tag from music player this way ) but probably will not stay that way .
what really not sure how to handle is singles - choose in main instrumental library to compile these as compilation folders , because some of these artists rarely if ever compile separate albums , and feel very clunky for every one of those to have individual album tags , cover arts , and folders . but , well , maybe less preposterous in this library due to smaller size .