pains of double book-keep

crosspost from tumblr . ( original post )
 
dreamwidth-exclusive preface : kossai write this for public tags , and address audience as presumably non-psychotic . something of simplification here , by all means , but hope at least one stubborn person on tumblr might better sympathise after this . and if this thought experiment help to explain , please feel free to use .

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not really much secret to physical nonhumans in general that some folks expect double book-keep ; that in order to hold place in alterhuman communities , there is this need to acknowledge experiences as , quote , unrealistic and delusional - regardless of reasons and frameworks which explain these experiences .

kossai talk before on how this impact from religious perspective - to have to deny faeriehood in presence of others , simply because legal and medical systems must view as sickly human , can really wear down on mind and spirit .
but think some folks really lack perspective on why this wear down , and why many will say that to force double book-keep is actually more harmful than to just allow life and experience as is . so , why not try to explain from kossai perspective ?

unreality thought experiment ahead . 

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now , to be clear , some folks do fairly naturally double book-keep - might even find life is better this way . but not all do , and to enforce this standard is hurtful . not only do this write off experiences as simple and unprofound lies , but also can worsen mental state , even set off other , more painful delusions .

again , kossai feel pains similar to this in denial of faeriehood and religion - paganism is already minority here , and even other pagans travel vastly different paths . there is simply no way to be upfront and explain depths , let alone touch upon faeriehood and faerie body . denial is necessity in order to get anything out of systems , but that denial also take huge toll on mood .
and yet kossai is in some way lucky . when these interactions end , kossai can retreat back to safety , indulge faeriehood , comfortably sit down with religion again , and recover . not all folks have that ability - whether because people take away such privacy and safety , or because this denial of experience send into crises outright .

double book-keep is not friend of everyone , and would do very well to remember that - to remember this thought experiment and understand just how badly this can hurt .