dancing in the faerie ring

late crosspost from tumblr .
idea of nonhuman material on human blueprint is hard for kossai to practically explain , so how about little comparison to lead off : dolls ! many dolls represent human characters , but vast majority of people would probably not argue to actually consider dolls as literal humans . 
dolls might have yarn hair and cloth skin , maybe paint delicate baby hairs on porcelain skin , or all come from various plastics - all these materials have different care and considerations , and even different features .

what would be breakage and devastation in one doll is just normal function in another : bratz can pop off feet , new monster high have ribcage articulation , cloth dolls can snuggle up in bed , and so on this go - but not all dolls perform equally in these areas . likewise , even hypothetical doll with human-equivalent cognition and animacy would not be able to function and perform exactly as humans do , nor could humans function and perform exactly as dolls do .

these dolls mostly follow humanoid structure , if not literally emulate humans , but not actually humans - different materials and constructions upon those structures . and this is in some ways how kossai feel about faeriehood - while follow human blueprints , look and generally function in apparently human ways , there is still difference both inside and outside as result of those faerie materials .

some of this difference is natural to faeries in some way , even if humans feel need to put name . some of this difference is result of incompatibilities , where internal attempts to keep up with human function instead fall behind , over-stress , or in some way damage . and others , well , same blueprints means same points of failure as typical humans - would not be immune to , say , lung damage from smoke .

all of this means kossai have some extra things to keep in consideration - treatments and strategies that work for humans do not necessarily work for kossai , and things that work for kossai probably would not help most humans . likewise , kossai have some new considerations that humans do not - faerie cycles , magics , and sensory experiences .

there is something of tightrope which walk . many of faerie body traits and problems have names which humans give . that alone is not always problem , but to be honest , most of these things have no cure , often little to no treatment , and ( apart from total removal , if viable ) even treatments which exist often incompatible with kossai , where treatment is worse than problem . 

describe once before , but consider 3 categories :

• things among natural variance or default expression for faeries , but which humans give name .
• things which develop because faerie materials not fully compatible with human blueprints and development .
• things which happen because human blueprints have typical human points of failure , regardless of material in question .

kossai see differences in these categories , know which ones need attention and treatment , and which ones will never work . but can not just casually explain and refer to faeriehood in any of these - people force to pathologise and see everything as sick , deviant humanity . 

not to even start on how badly medical system treat kossai . occasionally mention how go through near death experience , but not why - well , simple . because surgeon look at problem in that third category , and refuse to act . think some people would probably assume that inflict something on purpose , or just through lack of judgment , but nope ! good old medical neglect .
and , gods , how much exhaustion there is to go through test after test after fucking test , just to defy medical definitions and expectations anyway . 

know there is people who would say , " very clearly " , that kossai physicality come as way to cope with disabilities . and for some folks , that is fair answer - but that is wrong answer for kossai . think real cope is from those who try to explain over kossai , who feel need to justify everything under one simple view rather than accept world of variations . not go through lifetime of conversation and journey with paganism and faeriehood just for some stranger to act like know all .

kossai is faerie in all aspects . to have to deny that , to have to pretend that experiences in religion and faeriehood is meaningless nothingness , is painful exhaustion . so while not delusion , really do sympathise with that part of struggle . sometimes worst part of experience is not experience in self , but how others react and police that experience .

originally did plan on this to be longer , but then get into too many details that prefer not share while hash out thoughts , so will just give short version .

to sort of follow on before , when describe body as faerie materials on human blueprints , would say kossai have 3 main categories of disability and divergence : 

• things which just accept as natural variance ( if not " default " ) for faeries , but humans give name ,
• things which develop because faerie materials not fully compatible with human blueprints ,
• and things which happen because human blueprints still have same points of failure as ordinary humans .

( sidenote : not to say that name and recognition of disabilities is bad in self , but , sometimes only need name because modern human world is hostile to those outside specific framework - worse , some people use those names to justify harm to others . not bad to recognise disability and difference , but some of these only happen to be so bad because there is not enough consideration , kindness , and fairness . some things will always disable , but do not have to be nearly as bad , and maybe in better future might not even need to name as something other . )

human plans of treatment and management for these do not always help - would say sort of in order , least help in first category , and most help in last category . still , some aspects " treatment resistant " , or certain treatments trigger other problems and might be better off without any at all .

as well as that , sometimes have faerie triggers to note , in addition to typical triggers - too much skin contact with certain kinds of iron can worsen irritation already there , or even trigger new irritation , for example . some aspects do not even have potential human origin at all , rather strictly faerie , such as cycles with moons and seasons .

definitely some people would try to argue that maybe kossai see selves as physically faerie because of these things , and this is mechanism with which to cope . think for some folks , that could be fair reason to see body as nonhuman - but kossai have reasons to know and confidently say faeriehood , physical and otherwise , come first .

crosspost from tumblr - original post .

when kossai talk about physical faeriehood , certain type of concern trolls tend to assume things like : 

• that kossai can and will attempt to leap off buildings for flight , 
• that kossai can and will eat inedible substances under guise of faerie foods ,
• that kossai feel immune to dangers and will rush ahead anywhere without safety precautions ,
• that kossai claim to fully understand and speak with theriform animals ,
• and whatever else these people associate with lack of health . 

but kossai never actually claim these things anywhere , and do not work to encourage these thoughts in others - if anything , try very best to spread awareness of discernment . all which say is that , by religious means , kossai is physically faerie . 
neither do kossai have some intent on " convert " anyone to physical nonhumanity - there is nothing which kossai can teach , can only talk about personal experiences . kossai do not care about how many identify as physically nonhuman , so long as each one feel comfort and safety in label . 

but there is another secret to this . which is that , even if someone sincerely hold those claims in start of post ? refusal of autonomy and respect will not erase these . 
if anything , that treatment is likely to make worse - outcast and isolation is nightmare for anyone , and people who already struggle with grip will struggle even more if people do not give true kindness , if people treat as some poor woobie little thing which need help , or else some dangerous predator who only want to steal away and somehow convert others in . 

kossai understand kneejerk reaction to want for folks to not get hurt , absolutely , entirely , forever . but shame and isolation will never fix delusions , eating disorders , self harm , anything . 
yes , as much as understand desire to say to someone that flight is impossible , and glass is very much inedible ... maybe , unless this become immediate danger and have no choice but to restrain for safety , hold tongue on that .
( which , is also very unlikely to be responsibility and position as stranger online . )

let others have space to talk about experiences , and do not make assumptions about how this identity and this experience manifest . even in those who struggle massively , this basic respect and kindness can hold off some of worst effects and spirals . 
and overall , give others more credit . just because personally experience physical nonhumanity as torturous delusion , this will not guarantee true for everyone else .

not all folk with delusions experience this as something which destroy all semblance of awareness and cognition . some folk with delusions even have sign off of doctors to embrace identity , just perhaps with some extra mindfulness .
and not all folk with physical identity , or physical aspects in identity , actually experience as delusion to start with . some things , even weird things , can be just ... religion , spirituality , or dare say even quirk . delusion is not just something weird and hard to understand .

but again , even if experience as worst of worst delusion : give respect and kindness . do not shame . do not say " get help and leave this community " .
and if this is personally impossible , for whatever reason that might be , then just block , ignore , and move on .