wing ponder

[kossai]

crosspost from tumblr , several days late - originally june 10 .

just think about wings again ... alongside problems of cost , size , and practicality , not even sure if costume wings would feel right . did have some as kid , but ... 

so , mien and seeming interconnect with each other , and have to deliberately try hard and focus to move either one independently - without that , pretty much in sync to each other . but that really only go for natural body parts ... wings of mien can move independently , for example , because there exist no equivalent wings on seeming to sync up with . 

remember feel great when wear costume wings because people could finally see that have any , but also vaguely remember not really feel right . stiff wires and fabric that itch to touch , elastic straps around shoulders - think real wings try to conform to these positions , but never comfortable that way , and just highlight that still no one see real wings . 

and then , of course , would get too big to fit in those little wings , and also " too old " for wings to be socially acceptable . not actually wear any sort of costume wings since then .

dreamwidth addendum :

not to mention , with shame and pain , would become much harder through years to actually feel wings to start with . think there is some runaway hope in mind that costume wings might be able to make that better , but honestly doubt . this is about trauma , feelings , and frustrations .