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avid follower of dailymanners on tumblr , and really think about possibly pick up that miss manners book which recommend so much - or maybe could ask and see if anyone have more specific recommendations ( see end of post ) .
for one think there is push back against idea of stuffy etiquette that " no one will ever use " , and like ... can understand part of that , where expectations of etiquette tie to classism , racism , and other horrible things .
but - wish could find this post again , because sort of make reconsider - remember post in which someone say that even this idea of stuffy formal dinner etiquette do not have to be about demand for perfection . can just as much serve to make even field for everyone to feel at ease with possibly awkward situations - everyone who know these rules do not have to worry about what to do in this situation or that , how to signal this or that , because etiquette outline already , and instead able to focus on good time . but just as much , if someone lack this knowledge , can redefine that etiquette to match - even if anyone else would consider horribly impolite . really like that idea .
from what understand , this book in particular is more about general social situations and manners , but that is helpful too - especially if no one ever sit down and explain things , if have history of abusive relationships of all stripes , already at disadvantage and under higher scrutiny , and so on . which ... ha , well , that is familiar to kossai .
of course , well ... faerie . have bad relationship with ideas of change and fit in , but then , some of this is not really about that . some of this is how to keep situations from boil over , or how to recover from mistakes and apologise , more than how to fit in . do not really want to fit in - struggle and will forever struggle with that idea - but when not able to speak , people can really flounder and things can get awkward , especially if not have even basic sign knowledge . maybe at least if have more idea of what speakers do , can find something to adapt and maybe flounder less .
and also , hehe , idea of faeries study up on human manners is funny little rush of joy . :P
for one think there is push back against idea of stuffy etiquette that " no one will ever use " , and like ... can understand part of that , where expectations of etiquette tie to classism , racism , and other horrible things .
but - wish could find this post again , because sort of make reconsider - remember post in which someone say that even this idea of stuffy formal dinner etiquette do not have to be about demand for perfection . can just as much serve to make even field for everyone to feel at ease with possibly awkward situations - everyone who know these rules do not have to worry about what to do in this situation or that , how to signal this or that , because etiquette outline already , and instead able to focus on good time . but just as much , if someone lack this knowledge , can redefine that etiquette to match - even if anyone else would consider horribly impolite . really like that idea .
from what understand , this book in particular is more about general social situations and manners , but that is helpful too - especially if no one ever sit down and explain things , if have history of abusive relationships of all stripes , already at disadvantage and under higher scrutiny , and so on . which ... ha , well , that is familiar to kossai .
of course , well ... faerie . have bad relationship with ideas of change and fit in , but then , some of this is not really about that . some of this is how to keep situations from boil over , or how to recover from mistakes and apologise , more than how to fit in . do not really want to fit in - struggle and will forever struggle with that idea - but when not able to speak , people can really flounder and things can get awkward , especially if not have even basic sign knowledge . maybe at least if have more idea of what speakers do , can find something to adapt and maybe flounder less .
and also , hehe , idea of faeries study up on human manners is funny little rush of joy . :P
