hospital thoughts

read through some older entries in efforts to re-sort and decide on some candidates for deletion , and definitely feel kind of strange to have record of things that do not remember from hospital stay ( influenza ) last year . fully understand why do not remember - lots of delirium , vomit , and complications with medications - but still weird . 

can not help but laugh at some of this , try to wisecrack and say fun things despite all of pain , but also feel sad and frustrate for what that experience put through . because unable to speak , hospital is performance - need to never express any anger , sadness , or frustration that would make nurses feel " threatened " due to lack of words . often also completely lack ability to ask questions about tests and pokes , because usually separate from AAC in one way or another , and can only express most basic of ideas with voice - " OW . " 

yeah . feel great sympathy pains for kossai of last year . not even sure anymore who all front during those days - certainly did not keep track very well given everything - but wish could just hug every single one . 

yay !

recently watch lots of yogscast blood on the clocktower ... like , lots . do not really follow individual profiles of most of these players , but have familiarity with many due to prior years as yogscast fan - especially blackrock chronicle - so really only some unfamiliar , not all . 

well , discover by complete accident that one of regular players come out as trans woman just days ago - mara holmes ! of course , these videos in particular come out in backlogs , so new name might not be seen for quite some time . still , just so happy to hear that - of course not as if know personally , but just to know that someone else is able to bloom .