kossai | reflect on recent hospital shit

crosspost from tumblr , technically .

have to do some blood tests yesterday - always feel nauseous with those , and not really help that veins can be very very uncooperative . especially during last stay in hospital - that was absolutely atrocious , and not by fault of anyone .

medical details / difficulties below .

of course kossai run into medication complications - that is to say , pill form of necessary medication trigger immediate , profuse vomit - so have to stay on IV as result , but also could not get IV in . each day that nurses try , have to try for full hour or even more , and everyone flounder , try to find miracle worker who could succeed .

and remember , kossai can not speak ... so really , really in those moments , genuinely feel like just experiment of nurses - not able to communicate anything other than pain , while nurses just talk to each other and highlight how weird and uncooperative this body is , fail with technique after technique . not stretch to say anyone would feel like experiment under those conditions .

and even when these ports finally succeed , would not be long before close up and need to find another spot ! there was even one in foot - that pain was indescribable , especially when already hypersensitive to touch and pain , and then have to be extra nauseous and tired on top of everything which already deal with . that foot port was especially humiliate - not able to walk or get around anywhere , and need nurse assistance just to use commode .

fortunately was eventually able to get pill form down with really strong antiemetic , but that did not come cheap , and only come after trial and error of absolute exhaustion . all that while , kossai have to try best to not scream and cry , to desperately hold together thin veneer of patience , so that nurses would not mistreat - something which have all too much experience with , because humans love to assume lack of speech means cruelty is justifiable .

ever since all that ... honestly struggle with needles even more than already did . blood tests simpler to get through in some ways , but even with those , veins can be uncooperative and take several tries , each one painful and stressful . and like ... yeah , not as if these challenges exclusively nonhuman ones , but with how all of this compound for kossai ? just feel clear that not really " work " very well as faerie in bounds of human medical system - but not like there is any other choice .