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small grumble
Jul. 15th, 2025 02:52 pmone downside to pre-schedule showers with home care : hungry right now , but no time to eat right now .
really want to draw for artfight today but just have no juice at all , even after mostly-successfully dropkick pain of migraine . world still feel slightly too bright , and still pretty tired . can finally paint tree , anyway , so want to do that ! want to do really nice detail work eventually , and that also might be too much for right now , but base coats pretty simple .
ugh , ugh !
Jul. 1st, 2025 04:23 pmwant to draw for artfight , but showers always drain energy so now have nothing left to draw with , and everything that try to draw just drive to frustration .
but ... so many fun sheogoraths to draw ! and faeries ! aghh !
but ... so many fun sheogoraths to draw ! and faeries ! aghh !
oh tumblr ...
Jun. 25th, 2025 12:26 amso , just confirm that any pings kossai send out from blogs do not actually reach anyone at all - even ping between kossai blogs no longer do anything , when previously did .
would say not sure why , but do have one theory : actually switch accounts recently . originally current blogs share space on account with some older ones that just kind of want to get away from without actually delete - old creations , old hubs for things , even really old stuff that share with lover legion . memories , but also kind of mess with post recommendations , like counts , and other nonsense . so , did switch over to newer account for fresh start .
not sure exactly when this problem start , so maybe wrong on that . but know that for at least this whole month , just unable to ping anyone else . wonder if this account have some sort of internal red flag because of minimal use on main URL , and how to deal with that ... if there is any way to deal other than to try and have conversation with support staff , because feel like that is entirely fruitless effort .
would say not sure why , but do have one theory : actually switch accounts recently . originally current blogs share space on account with some older ones that just kind of want to get away from without actually delete - old creations , old hubs for things , even really old stuff that share with lover legion . memories , but also kind of mess with post recommendations , like counts , and other nonsense . so , did switch over to newer account for fresh start .
not sure exactly when this problem start , so maybe wrong on that . but know that for at least this whole month , just unable to ping anyone else . wonder if this account have some sort of internal red flag because of minimal use on main URL , and how to deal with that ... if there is any way to deal other than to try and have conversation with support staff , because feel like that is entirely fruitless effort .
tumblr bullshit …
Jun. 22nd, 2025 09:08 amthere is this one " therian confessions " blog on tumblr that spam main community tags with these posts , and despite set of rules , seem to post just . everything . and would love to block , but in some part of brain feel like need to know for safety - because at this point that level of bullshit include direct namedrops to harass , and people who cheekily admit to literal bigotry . this admin seem to ignore every single criticism about how not everything should get platform just because " spicy confession " - know others speak up , but just continue on without care .
reflect on recent hospital shit
Jun. 18th, 2025 10:30 amcrosspost from tumblr , technically .
have to do some blood tests yesterday - always feel nauseous with those , and not really help that veins can be very very uncooperative . especially during last stay in hospital - that was absolutely atrocious , and not by fault of anyone .
medical details / difficulties below .
( Read more... )
anyway ...
Jun. 15th, 2025 11:29 pmnot like expect that forum to just disappear with literally no warning , so kossai did not mirror very much - not that there was much to mirror to start with , but still .
did mirror this post about fairytok , otherwise mostly things which already say before in some form , in hope to start discussions with others - how kossai define and experience mien and seeming , how faeriehood is intrinsic to all parts of identity , not necessarily new stuff . probably only thing which never really say elsewhere was some of little childhood experiences , which ... not really hard to rewrite , if so choose .
know other folks write more substantially , though . really hope forum copy was not only copy , because most parts of forum lock behind login wall - even if someone theoretically run forum through archival , that login wall would be lost .
did mirror this post about fairytok , otherwise mostly things which already say before in some form , in hope to start discussions with others - how kossai define and experience mien and seeming , how faeriehood is intrinsic to all parts of identity , not necessarily new stuff . probably only thing which never really say elsewhere was some of little childhood experiences , which ... not really hard to rewrite , if so choose .
know other folks write more substantially , though . really hope forum copy was not only copy , because most parts of forum lock behind login wall - even if someone theoretically run forum through archival , that login wall would be lost .
oh . great .
Jun. 15th, 2025 08:48 pmkossai check in on physical nonhuman forum usually once per day , maybe little more - not much activity , like say before , but still nice to have somewhere to put some of these discussions that know for sure will not be hit by some of usual tumblr bullshit .
visit today end in failure , as display message that board no longer exist . great ! just fucking fantastic ! can not use spaces on discord , so guess only way to really reach out to substantial community is tumblr - tumblr full of endless arguments and folks who just can not keep noses out and want to have all these fun new words without actually understand origins , then point accusatory fingers at original users for whatever .
unfortunately know very well kossai do not have skill set or patience to run something like this personally , otherwise just would at this point . not that anyone would use very much , evidently , but whatever .
visit today end in failure , as display message that board no longer exist . great ! just fucking fantastic ! can not use spaces on discord , so guess only way to really reach out to substantial community is tumblr - tumblr full of endless arguments and folks who just can not keep noses out and want to have all these fun new words without actually understand origins , then point accusatory fingers at original users for whatever .
unfortunately know very well kossai do not have skill set or patience to run something like this personally , otherwise just would at this point . not that anyone would use very much , evidently , but whatever .
kossai 3d model
May. 21st, 2025 12:22 amjust think about kossai 3d model again , which make for vrchat really ... would seriously love to fix up every problem , but would not have any idea how .
one of biggest problems , well ... could not get unity hub to work on linux , so have to pass that part to lover legion , and was not able to make any custom animations or key shapes work . given that kossai play from desktop and not actually in VR , this means default pose is always visible - and in this default pose , arms clip directly into hips . plus , wings do not move at all , and default run animation is so awkward .
for animations , would really love :
bwah ... bweh bwah bwuh .
one of biggest problems , well ... could not get unity hub to work on linux , so have to pass that part to lover legion , and was not able to make any custom animations or key shapes work . given that kossai play from desktop and not actually in VR , this means default pose is always visible - and in this default pose , arms clip directly into hips . plus , wings do not move at all , and default run animation is so awkward .
for animations , would really love :
- if wings could idly flap .
- if run animation was instead fly - find avatar with perfect inspiration for this , but unable to do .
- to adjust default pose so nothing clip !
- if eyes could idly blink - did attempt to set this up , and turn out completely non-functional .
- get serious stretch on skirt texture whenever model sit , would be nice if there was some way to make that less awful .
- legs clip through skirt fairly often .
- overall body hair is sparse and awkward - underestimate how much would be visible , and also did not want to spend forever on body hair texture .
- would love to have alternate outfits for gender . but honestly , clothes end up hardest and most frustrate part of this process , and really dread idea of try again .
- actually , would be nice for wings to connect more realistically to back if possible - struggle with this in 2d art too . very much butterfly in function .
- would also love to be able to use for general 3d model scenes , not just vrchat !
bwah ... bweh bwah bwuh .
sometimes wish touch screens could be just slightly less responsive . or be able to read mind in exactly one way and nothing else .
just so annoy when fingers twitch or whatever in way that brush screen , and screen immediately jump into action . like shit , did not want to close that , now need to find again . or oh , did not want to log out , but that button is big and easy to get on accident , especially if aim for something else in that area . ( that one happen here on dreamwidth ! )
more confirmation popups would be nice , especially with log outs . true everywhere , not just here .
just so annoy when fingers twitch or whatever in way that brush screen , and screen immediately jump into action . like shit , did not want to close that , now need to find again . or oh , did not want to log out , but that button is big and easy to get on accident , especially if aim for something else in that area . ( that one happen here on dreamwidth ! )
more confirmation popups would be nice , especially with log outs . true everywhere , not just here .
think too hard about something and suddenly ... size dysphoria hit . worst one for kossai , because nothing to really do - even when mien shift , change size , whatever , seeming is unable to reflect .
mien is comfortable size shifter . anywhere from size of short-end human to outright tiny , though usual preference is shorter than average human . and right now , just want to be small enough to fit in hand ... but there is no way which know to really accomplish anything like this . best approximation is video games , whether design or hack into micro scale … that can be comfortable , but wish could make more tangible .
mien is comfortable size shifter . anywhere from size of short-end human to outright tiny , though usual preference is shorter than average human . and right now , just want to be small enough to fit in hand ... but there is no way which know to really accomplish anything like this . best approximation is video games , whether design or hack into micro scale … that can be comfortable , but wish could make more tangible .
wahh , music !
Mar. 14th, 2025 07:12 amso badly need standalone mp3 player .
find all of music collection online in first place of course , but can not remember every single track to just recreate list , especially because variety of platforms . without laptop in tow , can only access what able to remember - and ugh , laptop in hospital is awkward . would much prefer mp3 player .
find all of music collection online in first place of course , but can not remember every single track to just recreate list , especially because variety of platforms . without laptop in tow , can only access what able to remember - and ugh , laptop in hospital is awkward . would much prefer mp3 player .
videos abound
Feb. 24th, 2025 01:26 amlast few days freetube broken , queue up many things to watch ... devs release fix today , so get through decent amount , but now have headache .
many people would blame visual strain , but worse for kossai is actually audio and language process . this is why most often listen instrumental non-lyrical music …
many people would blame visual strain , but worse for kossai is actually audio and language process . this is why most often listen instrumental non-lyrical music …
technology woes !
Feb. 22nd, 2025 03:22 pmseem like at least one , if not both , flash drives maybe about to die . one fare slightly better , but other heat up too much for comfort after only short usage , and lag to death - then crash file explorer outright - during simple folder navigation .
these things last since ... probably at least 2018 ? and move from computer to computer with these , as well as generally hold backups , so not surprise would eventually reach this point .
but still annoy .
these things last since ... probably at least 2018 ? and move from computer to computer with these , as well as generally hold backups , so not surprise would eventually reach this point .
but still annoy .
gallery organisation woes .
Feb. 18th, 2025 02:59 pmthis is for , specifically , private collection of photographs and art pieces which save from online .
never really have good idea on how to organise these , but especially now after try several things and all fail .
problem is that want both hyper-specific tags , but also need to be accessible in file system directly and easily . love to tag these pictures for exact contents , so that picture of rabbit in rainy field of roses is easy to find under rabbits and roses and rain , but even something like hydrus where this is extremely easy to set up is too much of barrier to then go and search . out of sight , out of mind , basically .
so need organisation ... but within limits of file explorer . and then have to make choices :
never really have good idea on how to organise these , but especially now after try several things and all fail .
problem is that want both hyper-specific tags , but also need to be accessible in file system directly and easily . love to tag these pictures for exact contents , so that picture of rabbit in rainy field of roses is easy to find under rabbits and roses and rain , but even something like hydrus where this is extremely easy to set up is too much of barrier to then go and search . out of sight , out of mind , basically .
so need organisation ... but within limits of file explorer . and then have to make choices :
- dump everything into one folder ? but then everything is hard to find .
- make compromises as to where each picture belong ? rabbit can either be with animals , or with flowers , but not both - really do not want to have duplicate files ... theoretically could use symlinks to deal with that , but symlinks do not back up onto flash drive , which is another really important point .
- make hyper-specific folders ? this could work with single focal points - folder for sunflowers , folder for lilies - but get out of hand for basically anything else .
- put tags into file names ? but this is fucking unsightly and get hard to navigate . plus , already use file names for original source ( if known ) ...
- mix approaches ? but then need to figure out where to draw lines . which things get broad folder , and which ones get specific folder ? which ones get tags and why ?
little think
Feb. 14th, 2025 02:38 amthink in discussion about pagan swears and expressions - and idea that " oh my gods " is silly or cringy as one , and need to come up with original ones - need to kind of also consider that so many people recognise what this mean to express , especially in contexts without tone of voice . online text for one , but also AAC and such , there can be very little control over how things sound . that can make new expressions hard to understand , especially when - by necessity - many individual choices rather than one which fit everyone .
agree that " oh my gods " in specific sound kind of awkward , because there is context behind original monotheistic expression to dig and think about , but sometimes people have to say things in ways that serve others more than self .
also , specific phrases often demand specific details - to name one or more of gods in question . not everyone want to make this public information . can not blame such people for vague gods .
bah .
agree that " oh my gods " in specific sound kind of awkward , because there is context behind original monotheistic expression to dig and think about , but sometimes people have to say things in ways that serve others more than self .
also , specific phrases often demand specific details - to name one or more of gods in question . not everyone want to make this public information . can not blame such people for vague gods .
bah .
religious communities in games just ... make kossai feel so many things . especially because latch onto sheogorath , sheogorathean communities and roleplay of sheogorath worship just ... mwah .
wish could have statues , shrines , buildings , external community and structure . unfortunately not really any way to happen ... not on that scale , and sometimes really sad about that .
sometimes everyone just want to throw self at foot of statue , right ? not just kossai ?
personal shrines can exist in home , sure , but … not same .
wish could have statues , shrines , buildings , external community and structure . unfortunately not really any way to happen ... not on that scale , and sometimes really sad about that .
sometimes everyone just want to throw self at foot of statue , right ? not just kossai ?
personal shrines can exist in home , sure , but … not same .
