secret rules ???

very excite for gala event this whole time , and was so ready to post right away , but then realise not actually sure about what is OK or not for things like this - like if digital art event start on 15th , is that some specific time on 15th , or is that just whenever personally read 15th , or if most timezones now reasonably 15th ? 

and then decide to ask , but of course might not even be awake right now because that also depend on timezone - so might be totally redundant to ask , but shit . do not want to get wrong and make bad impression or make hard event harder .

but also feel so bad to hold back posts because literally prepare all this for months and so now should be time ! and also this week is busy with real life shit , because everyone would say digital fantasy gala is hardly good reason to postpone obligations , and really want to get posts in order and upload so not worry about forget . 

but what if there is secret rule to this . bloody secret rules , have to wait to find out if any secret rules , and wait means not post yet . just want to have fun ! 

bleugh

well , did not get direct answer , or even see announcement of open , just seem to start share from others now . so ! guess now is post time . but eughhh . brain channel all that weird stress energy into dream that make feel so so sick .
great start to fun ... hope people will really like what have here ... ( shameless plug , thaliendir @ tumblr )

oh . great .

kossai check in on physical nonhuman forum usually once per day , maybe little more - not much activity , like say before , but still nice to have somewhere to put some of these discussions that know for sure will not be hit by some of usual tumblr bullshit .

visit today end in failure , as display message that board no longer exist . great ! just fucking fantastic ! can not use spaces on discord , so guess only way to really reach out to substantial community is tumblr - tumblr full of endless arguments and folks who just can not keep noses out and want to have all these fun new words without actually understand origins , then point accusatory fingers at original users for whatever .

unfortunately know very well kossai do not have skill set or patience to run something like this personally , otherwise just would at this point . not that anyone would use very much , evidently , but whatever .

anyway ...

not like expect that forum to just disappear with literally no warning , so kossai did not mirror very much - not that there was much to mirror to start with , but still .

did mirror this post about fairytok , otherwise mostly things which already say before in some form , in hope to start discussions with others - how kossai define and experience mien and seeming , how faeriehood is intrinsic to all parts of identity , not necessarily new stuff . probably only thing which never really say elsewhere was some of little childhood experiences , which ... not really hard to rewrite , if so choose .

know other folks write more substantially , though . really hope forum copy was not only copy , because most parts of forum lock behind login wall - even if someone theoretically run forum through archival , that login wall would be lost .

wing ponder

crosspost from tumblr , several days late - originally june 10 .

just think about wings again ... alongside problems of cost , size , and practicality , not even sure if costume wings would feel right . did have some as kid , but ... 

so , mien and seeming interconnect with each other , and have to deliberately try hard and focus to move either one independently - without that , pretty much in sync to each other . but that really only go for natural body parts ... wings of mien can move independently , for example , because there exist no equivalent wings on seeming to sync up with . 

remember feel great when wear costume wings because people could finally see that have any , but also vaguely remember not really feel right . stiff wires and fabric that itch to touch , elastic straps around shoulders - think real wings try to conform to these positions , but never comfortable that way , and just highlight that still no one see real wings . 

and then , of course , would get too big to fit in those little wings , and also " too old " for wings to be socially acceptable . not actually wear any sort of costume wings since then .

dreamwidth addendum :

not to mention , with shame and pain , would become much harder through years to actually feel wings to start with . think there is some runaway hope in mind that costume wings might be able to make that better , but honestly doubt . this is about trauma , feelings , and frustrations .